Leading You to Love of Self: How to Begin to Trust

Trust Picture

By Raqiyah Mays

Trust. The issue so many of us have. If people are too generous? We question them. Too happy? We wonder why? If they ask for a handout? We side-eye. But why?

Typically it’s because we’ve been let down in the past. That friend we loaned money to never paid us back. That boy who said he loved us was cheating behind our backs. That promotion we were gunning for, went to the shady lady who used her body as ammunition.

Sometimes these trust issues run deeper taking us back to childhood. Dad didn’t stop by when he said he would. Mom was late picking us up from school, yet again. All of these instances help to subconsciously solidify feelings of abandonment and the ability to trust one’s word. If you can’t trust family, trusting anyone not blood becomes even more difficult.

But how do we trust? It’s difficult. Learning this isn’t achieved overnight. It’s a process that begins in the mirror. In the book, “Calling in the One,” author Katherine Woodward Thomas writes:  “When we lie to ourselves, we sever ourselves from the source of our power – our own inner truth. We becomes fragmented and discordant within,” she writes. “When we say one thing and then do another, say things that we don’t really mean, or consistently break our word to both ourselves and others, we profoundly diminish our capacity to create the lives that we are hoping to create.”

Deep, right? We can’t change the past or what happened with our family. But we can change ourselves. We can show ourselves integrity and witness the empowering energy of honesty that follows from there. At the root, this begins with telling ourselves the truth. Even in the smallest things from promising to go to bed daily at 11pm. To even larger goals, like writing that book or looking for that new job. When we don’t follow through with what we tell ourselves we’re going to do, we end up unhappy, “fragmented,” and our energy is drained in the same way we feel when someone lies to us.


WBLS’ very own Raqiyah Mays is an author, journalist, and empowerment activist. Her debut “Self-help” fiction novel “The Man Curse” (Simon & Schuster) is available for digital download at themancurse.com.

Man Curse Cover Design


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